ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
