is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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