I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
