woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we're making bets on your personal life
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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