Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
