Umm I'm too high to move.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
