i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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