He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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