I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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