why didn't you poke me back
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
