i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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