So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who died my cat blue again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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