Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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