you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
