butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
