do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
