he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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