This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
