Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
