Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
