I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
