Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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