but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
