Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
