I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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