After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
