i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
