I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
