Yo dont text me then not text me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
