And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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