goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize