No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
