i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
