He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
