yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
