So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
