it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
