I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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