Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
