YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
