I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
