Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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