God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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