I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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