I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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