I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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