Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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