So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
