Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
