you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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