Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sober January is a disaster.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize