It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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