Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
