when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
