New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
