so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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