We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
