sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
