i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
