So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
