I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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