you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
