Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
