you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
