Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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