My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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