some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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