so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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