my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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