Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
