I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
