Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
