we made out on top of his cat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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