i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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