They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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