In America we eat man semen.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
