the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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