I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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