who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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